unable to vent correctly...pfft!

The other night I was completely stressed and literally at the end of my rope when I felt the need to vent.  I vented on my husband who in turn tells me that I don't technically vent, I attack.  Boy, I felt bad.  But I can't vent anywhere.  Really.  Not on facebook because then the whole world will see.  Not in a journal because my family will read it, I can guarantee this happening.  I can't exactly vent here either because one day people might actually read what I have written.  So where?!!?!?

They say when it rains it pours.  That is the truth.   When things start going bad, it is like a beach ball rolling down the hill getting faster and faster.

I am going to let some of it off on this blog and hope that it helps me feel some relief.

My sister just lost her children.  Literally.... the courts stated she can only have supervised visitation every Wed evening for 3 hours and then every other weekend she can have supervised visitation for 3 hours at a time.  So one week she sees her children for 3 hours and then the next week for 9 hours.  Why??!!!  Well, it is a long story.  A sad and tragic story too.  My sister has been fighting an addiction to pain pills for almost 6 years now.  As with all addicts the problem gets bigger and more out of control.  My sister however, can not or will not admit she has this problem.  Well her addiction caused her to lose her job or as my sister says "A year long leave of absence"  I kind of feel she would have been fired had she not stated she wanted a leave of absence.  The story gets deeper.  She had an affair and when her husband found out he did what an reasonable man would do.  He left her.  But, he still paid for her rent, gave her a car, paid for the utilities and even bought groceries.  The only thing he did not do was give my sister spending money.  Why should he?!?! He shouldn't have to because he LEFT her.   He still provide the necessities for maintaining an almost normal lifestyle.  She had a job.  If she went to work she would have had money.  Right?   The courts stated she needed to seek counseling for her drug problem before she could get overnight visits.  I hope she can do this. I fear for her life.  It is in a downward spiral.  At some point she has to hit rock bottom.

On another note, my husband recently got employed.  YES!  Well, the kicker is I feel more stressed now.  He works in Auburn and today he had to be there for 4am.  That meant he left before 3am.  Which means I am up before 2am to prepare him to leave.  Well, I am tired.  Too tired to function but yet I can't seem to fall asleep.  Tonight will be an early night for me.

Christmas is once  again right around the corner.  Every year it gets here quicker.  I was rocking the Christmas music earlier in November.  I am still listening to it.  I have high hopes for this season if only I could find the motivation to do it.

Perhaps, I should get in a tanning bed and get some much needed Vitamin Sun.